Where Souls Meet: Caring for the seriously ill
Book Review by P. Allen
Where Souls Meet: Caring for the seriously ill
Author: Dillon Woods Publisher: Centering Corporation, Omaha Nebraska 402-553-1200
Available through http://www.center.org; Centering Corporation, Omaha Nebraska 402-553-1200; Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobel, Baker & Taylor, and Ingram Book Company
Paperback $12.95 Video Book $19.95 Audio book (cassette) - 12.95
What can you say to someone who is seriously ill or possibly dying? How can we express our true feelings and avoid the regret of things left unsaid, acts left undone?
Dillon Woods offers a tremendous number of insights in Where Souls Meet, an instruction book on a taboo subject. Perhaps you have wondered how hospice workers deal with end-of-life issues; Woods reveals their secret language in this profound, easy-to-read (111 pages) guidebook. It is filled with practical pointers for anyone who will ever be confronted by serious illness. "Walking the journey of serious illness with a loved one is an extremely difficult experience," writes the author, "but one which can transform your life."
Dillon Woods is a compassionate, young songwriter and poet who spent several years as a Franciscan Friar before losing both his parents to cancer. Subsequently, he volunteered at a hospice program in Los Angeles. While at this hospice program, he began teaching a class to volunteers called, ‘Communicating with the Seriously Ill.’ Requests from friends and hospice workers led to this innovative handbook.
While Woods describes some of the physical and psychological stages of being seriously ill, he also outlines some of the common stages that a caregiver may experience. The needs of the patient are clearly presented, and guidelines are given for keeping lists and charts for messages, gifts, doctors, medicine, expenses, and other endless tasks that become overwhelming for a caregiver.
The reader is taught how to communicate with and listen to someone who is seriously ill; we are given specific ideas about what to say in a variety of circumstances, what questions to ask, and what to avoid.
One of the most helpful sections provides questions to ask when searching for a nursing home or professional caregiver. Another chapter offers thought-provoking questions for all of us to consider in regards to prolonging life.
"Giving an ill person as much control over things as possible," writes Woods, "lets them feel as if they still have some control in their own life. This includes appointments to be made with doctors, people who will visit, what mail should be looked at or thrown out, and final arrangements…. Putting our affairs in order is a very important part of the letting go process."
Where Souls Meet offers advice about the importance of preparing and planning for death as an acknowledgement, rather than denial, of the coming loss. A checklist is included for arranging a living will and power of attorney, making internment arrangements and plans for a memorial service or reception, and carrying out the final wishes of the person who is dying. Also broached is dispersal of possessions—so often the cause of family disagreements—and development of special gifts or letters to leave behind for young children. Such preparation can be a great gift – cherished for many years.
This book is of particular interest to baby boomers confronting the inevitable loss of their parents, family members, hospice workers, doctors, and clergy as well as those directly facing death. In a world where modern medicine is prolonging the lives of the seriously ill, this difficult journey may be perceived as a gift for putting things in order and for saying or doing the things we’ve been putting off.
Woods’ style is lighthearted and sometimes humorous, and his terrific lists and short chapters make this a quick read. He goes far beyond pointers that include sending a plate of homemade brownies, placing flowers in the bathroom, putting the remote control within reach, and extending words of comfort—all actions to remind an ill friend of our presence and love. Where Souls Meet is a must for anyone facing life’s ultimate challenge. It can be purchased at http://www.centering.org, at bookstores or online at Amazon.com. For more information on the work Dillon Woods is doing, his website is www.livingwithquality.com.
For Amazon.com, click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0970598106/qid=983463170/sr=1-1/ref=sc_b_1/107-4592337-9450952
For endorsements and testimonials, click here.
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The first edition cover (picture to the right) is much different than later editions. However, the content is nearly identical. In our first printing, we found that it was very hard to sell a book with the words "terminally ill" on the cover. So, for the next edition we changed that part of the title to "seriously ill".
Emails received:
Where Souls Meet is written with humble authority, the writer offers us a handbook, basically, on how to say what we don't know how, and how to help in ways that we couldn't know without experience, or a guiding, helping hand. Thank you, Mr. Woods, for such a brave, informative, human piece of work. You have made the world much easier to bear in situations like these. -- Studio City, CA
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Where Souls Meet offers an enormously practical guide to anyone experiencing their own or someone elses dying process, as well as a thoughtful invitation to consider the quality of consciousness one brings to relationship in general. It's said that we die much the same way we live, and Dillon's intimate sharing of his own experience enables the reader to touch their own conflicting feelings around a very difficult and inevitable part of life with compassion, humor, and blessed acceptance. Reading this book creates a larger space in which to be human - a great gift at any stage of living. -- Joanne M. Checchi, Washington, D.C
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"Where Souls Meet is a thoughtful, provocative, and practical guide for anyone whose life is being touched by a loved one with a serious illness." -- Vivian Janov, Psychotherapist and director, Primal Institute, Los Angeles, CA
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"As an oncology chaplain at UCLA Medical Center, I am always looking for practical, helpful, and meaningful resources that I can use to help patients, their caregivers, and other health care professionals deal with the overwhelming challenges that serious illness can present. Where Souls Meet is one of the best resources I have read on this subject. It serves as a deeply moving and personal guide that will lead the reader through the journey that all of us, in one way or another, will someday travel." -- Chaplain James Putney, MA , Oncology Chaplain, UCLA Medical Center, Los Angeles, CA
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"I am a hospice volunteer coordinator and we have just started using Where Souls Meet as a volunteer manual. I lost a close friend this week. We all laughed together and cried together, and stood arm in arm as the funeral home wheeled him out the door. I came home and re-read parts of your book and went to bed with a peaceful heart. Your book has helped a lot of people. Thank you for writing it." -- Pam Kite, Hospice Volunteer Coordinator, Perryton, TX
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Questions... For Quiet Times
Email received:
Dear Dillon,
Your book, Questions... for Quiet Times, is a wonderful tool for people that are soul searching. In my case, there have been significant changes in my life with the official "death" of a seventeen year marriage. Your book has been very helpful to me as I am not quite sure where this detour in my journey will take me...or should I say I am not sure where I want it to take me. I tried to tackle one question a night when I first received the book... but it turned out to be a lot more challenging than it appeared. This is not a book for someone that doesn't take life seriously. If a person is serious about evaluating their life and their relationships I haven't seen a better way to do it. The questions not only encourage you to be honest with yourself but are very motivating and even inspiring, and in many ways healing after a personal loss... at least that has been my experience. My daughter thinks it is "fun" to complete this journal as well. You're reaching every demographic! Thank you for sharing your talent, insight and creativity. Your depth is gift for many.
With great appreciation,
Teresa Hastings, RN
Washington, D.C.
Introduction to Questions... For Quiet Times:
From an early age, I enjoyed reading and creative writing. I wrote constantly: Songs, poetry, short stories. I find it interesting now to read the thoughts I had in the past. My journal was never about things I did – that was boring. I wrote about things I was thinking. Questions I had about life. I grew up in a very religous family... so God and the metaphysical were big topics on my mind and in my journal.
My early interest in creative writing was an outlet through which my questions, thoughts and ideas could express themselves. Later in life, I found journaling mostly to be the cheapest therapy available. More often than not, I found an hour of writing in a journal to be as helpful as an hour in therapy.
The questions presented in this book are my favorite questions to ponder once a year. Many of us already take some time for reflection. Some do it in a more private, internal way. Others enjoy writing out the details of their thoughts. If you’ve never taken much time to reflect on your life, these questions will be a great way to start. Answer the ones that seem interesting, skip the ones that don’t. Taking time to reflect on our life can sometimes be a healing and strengthening experience. You get to know yourself when you take time and answer these questions.
Over the years, I have questioned many people about their private practices of contemplation and reflection. I find the topic interesting for many reasons. On one level, I think it’s interesting because the ability to reflect seems to be something unique to being human.
When questioned in detail about how they took time to reflect on their life, people gave a multitude of answers. Some did it while driving, some while picking weeds in the garden, knitting, talking with friends, exercising, fishing, playing golf, journaling, some while in a therapy session. Regardless of how they reflected, 100% of those I interviewed said that the act of reflecting enhanced their life. A by-product of this sort of personal reflection is that we also help develop a conscious relationship with ourselves. By reflecting on our lives we can come to understand what our individual needs are.
One of the fundamental causes of emotional suffering among many in today’s society, is the accumulation of many years of self abandonment. So many people spend the first 25 years of parenthood buried in responsibilities of children and work. In doing this, many completely lose a sense of self, a sense of personal needs. When you are trying to provide for a family, it’s not hard to lose any sense of what you want or need. Taking steps back toward self-nurturing, self-love and self-discovery, can feel awkward at first. If the effect of self-abandonment is something you might be feeling, this book of questions may help start the journey back toward a deeper sensitivity toward self.
In his article entitled, The Origins of Human Suffering, Dr. William A. Shaver, MD says that "In the most basic sense, anyone who does not appear to be comfortable telling his/her story, expressing a full range of emotions, or simply just ‘being’ is likely suffering from Abandonment Of Self." Some people put so much of themselves into everything but themselves. Once it becomes second nature to overlook our own needs, it becomes easy to completely lose track of a sense of personal happiness. If this path is followed for too long, ‘burn out’ often occurs. We’re giving out more than we’re getting in. If you are feeling burned out or just need to reconnect with yourself, this book can help put you back in touch with you and what you need.
This is my favorite sort of journal because it can be used year after year and the answers change every time they are answered. For many years, I often took some time during the last day in December for reflection and journaling. The end of the year can be a perfect time to think back on the past year and to look ahead at the year to come (What went right last year? What new friends do I have this year? Where am I headed? What could I improve on? What do I have to look forward to? What experience from this past year added something new to my life? Etc.) When you have completed this journal of questions, it will document your present-day life, feelings, and dreams. Journaling in this book might also aid by helping you define and clarify your goals or values. It can be a great personal growth tool.
I’ve ended the book with a few pages for a "gratitude list". It’s important to take time now and then to think about all the things we feel grateful for.
Finally, I think it will become increasingly important that we develop skills of reflection as science develops medicines and technologies that keep us alive longer and longer. Science is clearly adding years to our life… but now we must add life and meaning to those years. Developing skills of reflection will help us to add more depth and quality to our living and our loving. Staying connected to ourselves is the first step in connecting with others. All the best, -- Dillon Woods
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QUICK GUIDE for Where Souls Meet: Caring for the seriously ill
I wrote Where Souls Meet in 1998 & 1999. The first edition was printed on October 4, 2000. By 2003 I realized that hospitals needed something smaller than a book that they could affordably hand out to caregivers. That is when I created the QUICK GUIDE for Where Souls Meet.
This QUICK GUIDE is a four panel (double sided) pamphlet that is printed on card stock (so that it is durable). The front contains all the nuggets of wisdom found in Where Souls Meet. The back helps the caregiver keep organized by providing space for keeping lists of gifts/cards received; doctors phone numbers; drugs being taken and a column for personal contacts.
This guide is practical, inspirational, informational and educational... and cheap! It has been fun to watch thousands and thousands of these QUICK GUIDES go out the door to hospitals and hospices all over the U.S. and Canada.
To order your QUICK GUIDE click here.
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